It is the night before chemo #11 and I am having a bit of trouble sleeping.  I am awake with pure dred.  I always say every week is different; that is true in many ways, but some of my side effects are always the same.  I also have about 4 emotional stages that I go through every two weeks.

*Monday, the day of chemo, is always just a bummer.  No real pain but a lot of sleepiness and a funny feeling in my stomach. I enter my first stage of emotions: no emotions.  I try not to think about anything and get through it as fast as I can.
*Tuesday, the day after chemo, I am still very tired.  The funny taste in my mouth begins.  I am bloated from all the chemicals in my body.  My pump makes me very anxious.
*Wednesday, the next day, the day I get my pump out, is my worst day.  I have to take the most medicine this day and I get shots at the doctor's office.  All I want to do is sleep.  Walking from the car to the hospital drains me.  I start getting indigestion from every thing I eat.
*The next two days, Thursday and Friday, I feel like crap, but I am still successfully ignoring  that fact.  I am tired, but not tired enough to sleep- just tired enough to not want to leave the house.  I sit around and do nothing.
*Saturday I enter into my next emotional stage: bitterness and anger.  My jaw starts to hurt and my tounge swells up.  I am pissed that I have cancer and no one else does.  The indigestion starts to go away.
*Sunday I try to do something normal but fail because I am too tired.  It pisses me off that I never feel good.
*Monday I can start running errands with my mom.  The mouth pain is beginning to stop and bad taste in my mouth goes away.  My stomach starts getting crampy.
*Tuesday begins my third emotional stage: extreme frustration.  Most of my first chemo symptoms are gone.  I am not as tired.  My stomach feels like someone has cut me open and is pouring acid on my internal organs- it is sharp, continuous pain that cannot be eased.  I tell everyone I talk to that I hate cancer.
*Wednesday is the same as Tuesday.
*Thursday my stomach starts feelilng better.  I am weary of doing anything for fear of aggrivating my stomach again.  I start getting little blisters all over my hands.
*Friday begins my last emotional stage: joy of victory over cancer.  Stomach feels great.  Almost feel normal.  Continues for the rest of the weekend.  Feel even better if I see Curtis- I may even forget that I have cancer for a few hours.
*Then we start all over again. 

Ah, the joys of cancer...