To begin I want to clarify the purpose of all of the posts on this page.  Somewhat out of boredom and somewhat out of general frustration with cancer I decided that I wanted to start writing down some of the many things that I think about during the day (I think I sit and think for an average of about 3 hours a day).  At firs't I was just going to type them up in Microsoft Word as something just for me; something I could go back and look at months from now.  Then I thought that posting them on here was a better idea- that perhaps something I write may help someone going though a similar situation.  So, if you haven't already, shave your head, grab a ginger ale, subdue your urge to vommit, and get ready to see things through the eye's of a cancer patient...

The "Pink Elephant Effect" is, by far, one of my least favorite things about having cancer.  For those unfamilar with the Pink Elephant, it is something that everyone sees or notices, however, everyone is afraid to mention it or even act as though they are aware of it for the sake of being polite or politically correct (its huge and its pink! HELLO!?! I know you see it! Don't pretend like you don't see it!).  I am a walking Pink Elephant.  Therefore, the "Pink Elephant Effect" is going on all around me all of the time.

I do not try to hide the fact that I have cancer.  I never wear my wig, I don't try to fill in my eyelashes or eyebrows, I do wear a scarf when I leave my house but only because I have these silly "psuedo-hairs" growing on my head.  Otherwise, I'd walk around bald 24/7.  However, when I meet new people and sometimes even when I see people I know, everyone feels the need to pretend like they don't realize that I am sick.  They ask me stupid questions like "Are you going to move out of your parent's house soon?" or "Do you have a job yet?"  The best is when I say no to the later and they say something like "Oh, have you found that the job market is still pretty bad?"  or "Oh, what are you doing then?"  I usually have an internal debate at this point: do I state the obvious and make them look stupid, or do I play along?  I usually just say something like "I'm taking a break"  when what I really want to do is scream "I have cancer, stupid!"

I realize that people are just trying to be nice or don't know what to say so they just avoid the subject, but it really makes me feel uncomfortable.  I start wondering if people may actually think that I shave my head because I think its cool or, worse yet, enjoy wearing a fannie pack (I have to carry a chemo pump in one for 3 days after each chemo).  It certainly isn't encouraging that the other day one of our neighbors asked my mom if I was a punk rocker who shaved her head.  My daily attire consists of sweatpants, a tshirt (usually a sorority one), and Birkenstocks; how many sorority affiliated punk rockers have you seen wearing Birkenstocks?